Life is to be submitted to God to find its partner from God.
The decision for a mate must be made on a spiritual and intellectual basis before it’s made on an emotional one, we must allow our Heavenly Father to do the picking. “What about love? Shouldn’t that be considered?†you may ask. No, and I’ll tell you why. “The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it? (Jer. 17:9). The heart is willful and is driven by its own agenda. It does not consider things rationally and intelligently—it just loves to love! Therefore, you have to point it in the right directions: “Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life†(Prov. 4:23).
Whenever you meet a man, you need to get clearance from God, check out his attributes, and then allow your heart to engage.
Friendship is two people walking together in agreement and accountability, learning and growing together. Courtship follows the mutual agreement to commit to one another exclusively—it is the decisive turning toward the agreed-upon goal of the marriage altar. It is a period of laying a foundation and preparing your life together after marriage.
1. Does this man have an intimate relationship with the Father through Jesus Christ? Does he care what God thinks about his behavior? Is the person mate material? Is he accountable to God as well as another co-laborer in the faith? Accountability is an important factor. It is imperative to maintaining a committed relationship. Is your potential spouse a member of the same family—the family of God? Scripture is clear on this: “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?†(2 Cor. 6:14).
You need to have common interests and values and agree on the essentials of living day to day. You have a similar spiritual walk. You eat the same spiritual diet. You enjoy a lot of similar things. You have like interests, like goals in life, like opinions on basic life issues. You have had like experiences in your background. Though there is some truth to the idiom that opposites attract, like-minded folks fare better together. Furthermore, does he want to get married? If you want to be married and your dreamboat isn’t interested, don’t waste your time.
Remember, women fall in love and get married. Men decide to get married and then look for a wife. Note the difference in order. So if a guy says he’s not looking for anything serious, take his words seriously. If he’s not going in your direction, get off the bus and wait for the right one.
2. Does this man want you? Is he pursuing you? The man who is right for you will pursue you, and God’s hand in the relationship will be clear. No guessing, no fleeces, no dead ends. Scripture says: “He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord†(Prov. 18:22 ). Note —who finds whom? THE MAN FINDS THE WIFE. From the beginning of time, God has transported men and women across the world in order to put them together. At the RIGHT TIME, He will bring that man on the scene and he will find you.
In God’s perfect design, the man is the one who recognizes his mate. Adam had no problem recognizing that Eve was his missing rib. You do not need to strategically place yourself anywhere. You don’t have to help a guy out because he’s shy! Men will do whatever they have to do to get what they truly want. The man in your life should recognize you as the pearl of great price in his life and be willing to do whatever he must in order to gain your hand. If he is passive about gaining your affections, take it as a sign that he is not interested. Many a woman’s mother has suggested that it is a good idea to marry a man who loves you more than you love him. As cold as that sounds, it actually might be scriptural if you stop to think about it: “We love him because He first loved us†(1 Jn 4:19 ).
Until then, take the ultimate chill pill You don’t need a bunch of men in your life to make you feel all right about yourself. You need only one man—your man, the one God has selected to select you. And trust me, the right man at the wrong time can be just as awful as the wrong man at any time. So trust God’s timing in this. He is the ultimate matchmaker. Relax, sit pretty and allow yourself to be found. Again,—WAIT until the man voices his intentions. He should take the lead in establishing the relationship. You may have an inkling that he is the one, but God will use the man to set the tone of the relationship. Allow him the opportunity to flatter you—this is your first act of submission. Jesus set the standard for all men to follow.
3. A man who is husband material has the means to take care of a wife. He is a responsible human being who understands he needs to have something to offer.
4. Everyone knows birds of the same feather flock together. A man’s pals tell you a lot about the person that you haven’t seen yet. They reveal things about the guy’s character that might be hidden when he is on good behavior.
5. Check his relationship with his mother. How does he treat her? This is your preview of how he will treat you. There are lots of men who, because of a negative relationship with their mothers, really don’t like women, yet say they do. Unresolved issues between mother and son continue between husband and wife.
6. Does this man have a vision for his life? Is he running with that vision? Remember, God decided Adam needed help once Adam got busy DOING his assignment. Is the man in your life guided by sense of destiny and purpose, or does he just allow life to happen around him? A man who is not certain of his mission can be a most miserable person—and you’ll be miserable too. A man who has vision is not intimidated by a woman whose mission statement is clear. He will be your best ally, cheerleader and assistant because he wants you both to make it! A man who cannot be supportive of your achievements because he is floundering in a sea of uncertainty over his own life is not a healthy partner to have and to hold forever.
Creating dependencies or feelings of obligation is not the way to get the best out of your man. Somewhere along the way, he will resent you and flee from the smothering burden of obligation he associates you with. You want a man who is firmly anchored in his identity in Christ. Remember, we are looking for a man who will be priest and leader in his home. His first instinct should be to want to cover you, redeem you, and provide for you. Your job is to decide if this is the man God has ordained for you to complement.
7. Do your talents and gifts complement his? Do his gifts complement yours? What about your temperaments? Do you see the two of you as an effective team capable of bringing blessing to the lives of those around you? Can you coordinate your gifts in an attractive and effective way? This is why knowing your purpose is so important. Make sure your hearts beat for mutual causes. When I go shopping I always consider the fabric, the fit and what I already have in my closet. Will my next purchase be a complementary addition to what I already have? If the man you meet makes you feel that you need to completely reinvent yourself, something is wrong. This is where I ask you to consider the relationship in terms of cost.
Is this relationship expensive spiritually, emotionally, or physically? Does your longing for a mate make you willing to forfeit who you are in the process? Or does he see you as the gift that you are? The man in your life should consider you as a rare find, a priceless jewel—because of you he is getting ready to get blessed big-time! Any relationship that causes you to feel unworthy, unlovely, unacceptable, undesirable, or that you have to work for love, is too expensive! God has called the man to cover, protect, and provide not only materially for a woman, but emotionally and spiritually as well. You should be richer in mind, body and spirit for your union with the man of your dreams. The man in your life should make rich deposits into your heart and spirit, not withdrawals.
8. Does he have a healthy love & acceptance of himself? Make sure the man in your life has taken time to heal from past relationships and has made peace with himself. He cares for himself is how he will care for you. A man’s relationship with God is crucial here. His love for himself will only be as strong as his love for God. In his rightful place as your personal priest, he should be leading you to a richer relationship with Christ. If he is causing you to compromise your faith and destabilize your walk, if he is leading you into sexual sin or causing you to be distracted from your commitment to Christ, the relationship is too expensive.
Offending the Lover of your soul, who promises you eternal love, is too high a fare to pay for a ride that has a limited run.
If you and your man can’t soar in the Spirit, when the force of your love for another is tested by the pull or gravity of the world, your union will not be able to survive. So you decide How much is your life worth? How much is your love worth? You will be able to accept only what you believe you deserve.
God Himself calculated the worth of your love and decided it was worth His life. He now pledges you His love for eternity. Yes, Jesus sets the example for all others to follow when He paid a ransom for His bride. Should you expect less from a mortal man? Throughout the Biblical age, men were willing to pay the cost for the hand that they desired. The truth of the matter is, everyone knows that anything worth having, costs. And no one gets a ride in this life for free.
Let us pray:
Dear Heavenly Father, I confess that I have not always been as careful as I should’ve been with my heart. From time to time, my desire for love has caused me to leave my heart in the wrong hands. I now commit my heart into Your hands for safekeeping. Please help me to stop being so impulsive with what you deem so precious. As I learn to celebrate Your love for me, let me learn from Your example what a bridegroom should really be like. Help me to never settle for less than what you desire for me.
As I embrace You as the Lover of my soul, keep my affections in the haven of Your own heart. As I rest in Your love, make me more discriminating of those who approach me. I ask that You take over this area of my life. Keep me from those You know would hurt my heart. I invite You to set a hedge around me and keep me from all who would draw me into unfruitful relationships until the day you present me to the mate that You have selected for me. Grant me the discernment to recognize him as he recognizes me.
Cleanse me from the temptation to typecast the men I meet according to what I see. Help me to trust in Your knowledge and lean not on my own understanding. I know that You know what is best for me; therefore I yield to Your choice. In Jesus Name. Amen.
– – – written by Sharon Joseph
Great post!!!
I really agree with your points about a man needing to have a relationship with God through Christ.
Also, your point that “women fall in love and get married. Men decide to get married and then look for a wife,” is well said. It’s important to always remember that men are women’s intellectual superiors and that women are weak and led by their heart, whereas men will always make the rational choice. Women should know that God, and the man God has chosen for her, will make the important decisions for her when the time is right.
It’s also true, in my experience, that the right man will simply come to the woman he is meant to be with.
If you really, really like a man and want to talk to him, but he is too shy to come to you, you should move on. Forget that he may be absolutely perfect for you in every way. Forget that he might simply think you’re not interested. If God wanted you to be with him, God would have given that man the balls to talk to you.
You said it perfectly, “Relax, sit pretty and allow yourself to be found.” After all, you’re just a woman.
Just wait around, soon enough a man, (or The Man) will tell you what to do. Women were given hearts, not brains, so stop thinking so darn much.
I’m confused about your point that women should look at a man’s relationship with his mother. As well as your point about complimentary temperaments. If God has put this man in front of a woman, the man has the financial means to support a wife, and he has a relationship with God, wouldn’t a woman be questioning God’s devine will be analizing that man’s relationship with his mother? Or his temperament? Surely, if God has asked this man to persue a woman, a negative relationship with his mother or tendency to lash out in anger shouldn’t matter, right? Why would God ask this man to pursue this woman if his relationship with his mother and his temperament weren’t exactly what God wanted them to be? By looking at this man’s character, aren’t you therefore questioning God’s plan? Can you help me with this point?
God bless!!!!
This is all well and good, and I certainly appreciate the importance of a man having a relationship with God, but isn’t there a certain physical element to attraction?
I know it is sinful to have lust in my heart, but wouldn’t the good lord want me to be with someone that I found pleasing to the eye? There are plenty of men that have pursued me that meet all the requirements you have listed, but I simply cannot imagine that our lord and savior Jesus Christ wants me to spend eternity with a man that looks like a donkey.
Furthermore, given that the good lord wants us to be fruitful, isn’t fertility a factor when choosing a man??? I don’t necessarily require that a man takes any sort of test to confirm that he is capable of reproducing, but at the very least I’d like to know that his equipment is functioning (and ideally a decent size!!! lol).
This a great article. God richly bless you Sharon Joseph. Am really touch. God bless you.
great article. 100% true.
God is good!! all the time, Thanks for you article it realy helped me alot. God bless I have been pray for this true answers.
Thanks again!!!
Hello Everyone
This is truly an Inspiration from the Lord, it depicts all the pertinent points that are so easily identified in the Bible. True Love is Agape love, and Eros is that of a carnal nature.
We should not be concerned of whether or not it is important to have physical attraction to the one we were meant for, since God is the Author and Finisher of all things, are we questioning His ability to know who we will be attracted to? Hope not, for He knows all things, and He has known you before the foundation of the World, to know who you will be attracted to – is of little importance. To know who will hold your hand beyond the curtain of time- is most important.
Its about Faith, I believe He designed us in pairs and as a woman, my partner will find me in His(God’s) time. Wait apon the Lord and He will show us the way.
This article comes at a time where I too am faced with a decision of whether I should marry someone that truly loves me, and so I wait apon the Lord, for I want eternal happiness not one that is time bound.
The flesh is not perfect and not eternal, looking for outward beauty is limiting, and can change at any time follwing circumstance. Will the man you marry love you when you were like a blossoming rose, as well as a withered one? Will you? I appreciate this extract and thank you for your God given wisdom.
God Bless you for this writing, Shalom.
Truly a great article………God bless u
Simply the truth…very well put Sharon. You are truly a woman of God.
Joanne, the man God has prepared for you will be a man you’re also attracted to. Everything will fit perfectly for God knows everything about you. He won’t give you a man you won’t easily love. So if you’re presented with a man that seems to have everything right about him yet no matter what you still can’t seem to find him attractive in some level… Take that as a red flag and pray to God about it.
…glory to God…i have been blessed. I have passed this message along it it’s entirety and with the authors name. God Bless
Thanks for that insightfull message. We were all created to serve a specific purpose on this earth. And God created for each of us a help mate.be it woman or man. So that we can accomplish the work He set for us. A spouse should comlpement you in every way.even your differences should be there to draw you closer to eachother,teach eachothr and help eachother. Not make us sworn enemies. No one is perfect on this eath. So when you find someone whom you can live with and cope with,strive to make the relationship better and strong. Life is too short to keep geting into countless relationships hoping to find someone who doesnt get you angry and is one hundred percent of what you want in a partner. When love finds you, coz it will coz its aloted to us and destined and ordained for us all by God, keep it. Water it,weed it and keep it fresh always. Coz you never know you had it good until you loose it. So dont loose it. God is the only one who knows our perfect match. Trust Him to lead you to him or her
finding the right woman is very hard nowadays, and many of them seem to have an attitude problem that i have noticed. i am hoping that GOD can give me the luck, since there are many women that need to GROW UP and stop playing games. there are so many of us SINCERE good men out there, but with so many very nasty women it has become very difficult connecting with the right one. i go out a lot, but i can’t seem to be at the right place at the right time to meet a nice one. it now appears that all the GOOD WOMEN have been taken.
To TheRealJohnson
You completely mutilated the idea of the article. Men are not intellectually superior to women, nor need they set and look pretty till the right man comes along. God is superior and he brings them together. Submission of the woman is based on the true and conscious relationship of the Man with God, as he is to love his wife as Jesus loved the church. Not act like an arrogant, all-knowing baffoon telling her what to do. Jesus led those who had faith to follow…a woman follows because she has faith in his spirituality…and his relationship with God will lead him in making the right decisions.
God really bless you, ive learnt alot
Wow, I am blessed by this message even as a man. Now I have a good knowledge of the ideal friend and responsible husband I should be to my spouse! Thank you.
This is a great article, and I plan to share with my single friends – actually, they are the ones who shared it with me. I do have to say that response #1 bothers me greatly though! Hello! Men are NOT women’s intellectual superior, nor are women weak, nor do men always make rational decisions. After all you’re just a woman – seriously? No – I am a pearl of great price, waiting for the right man to find me who recognizes my special talents and appreciates what I bring to the table. Women were given hearts, not brains – OMG!! Mister, you are a piece of work – yes, seriously. Not to mention then you turn around and contradict the attributes given for a man that you disagree with. Newsflash – if you aren’t convicted by God for your lack of these character traits, not to mention your attitude toward women, I don’t know what to tell you. A good godly woman will not subject herself to that, nor will God ask her to…
Simmer down girls.
If you’re going to look