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September 27th, 2008

Jokes : Someone Else

Someone Else

Our church was saddened to learn this week of the death of one of our most valued members, Someone Else. Someone’s passing creates a vacancy that will be difficult to fill. Else has been with us for many years and for every one of those years, Someone did far more than a normal person’s share of the work. Whenever there was a job to do, a class to teach, or a meeting to attend, one name was on everyone’s list, “Let Someone Else do it.” Whenever leadership was mentioned, this wonderful person was looked to for inspiration as well as results; “Someone Else can work with that group.”

It was common knowledge that Someone Else was among the most liberal givers in our church. Whenever there was a financial need, everyone just assumed Someone Else would make up the difference.

Someone Else was a wonderful person; sometimes appearing superhuman. Were the truth known, everybody expected too much of Someone Else. Now Someone Else is gone! We wonder what we are going to do. Someone Else left a wonderful example to follow, but who is going to follow it? Who is going to do the things Someone Else did?

When you are asked to help this year, remember — we can’t depend on Someone Else anymore.

September 26th, 2008

Jokes : Children write letters to God

Children write letters to God

Dear God,

So far today, I’ve done OK, I haven’t gossiped, or lost my temper.
I haven’t been greedy, crabby, mean, nasty, selfish, bitchy or overindulgent.
And I’m grateful for that.
But dear God, in a few minutes I’m gonna get out of bed, and then I’m probably
gonna need a lot more help.

Dear God,
In Sunday School they told us what You do. Who does it when You are on vacation? – Jane

Dear God,
I think about You sometimes even when I’m not praying. – Elliot

Dear God,
I didn’t think orange went with purple until I saw the sunset you made on Tuesday.
That was cool! – Eugene

Dear God,
Are you really invisible or is that a trick? – Lucy

Dear God,
Did you mean for the giraffe to look like that or was it an accident? – Norma

Dear God,
Instead of letting people die and having to make new ones, why don’t You just keep the ones
You have now? – Cindy

Dear God,
Who draws the lines around countries? – Nan

Dear God,
The bad people laughed at Noah – “You made an ark on dry land you fool”.
But he was smart, he stuck with You. That’s what I would do. – Edward

Dear God,
I went to this wedding and they kissed right in church. Is that okay? – Neil

Dear God,
Thank You for the baby brother, but what I prayed for was a puppy. – Joyce

Dear God,
Why is Sunday School on Sunday? I thought it was supposed to be our day of rest. – Tom

September 26th, 2008

Jokes : The Power of Baptizing

Bats in church

Three Pastors in the south were having lunch in a diner.

One said “Ya know, since summer started I’ve been having trouble with bats in my loft and attic at church. I’ve tried everything–noise, spray, cats–nothing seems to scare them away.

Another said “Yea, me too. I’ve got hundreds living in my belfry and in the narthex att ic.I’ve even had the place fumigated, and they won’t go away.”

The third said, “I baptized all mine, and made them members of the church… Haven’t seen one back since!!!”

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