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November 2nd, 2008

Jokes : I have Commandments that will help you

Centuries ago, God came down, went to the Germans and said, “I have Commandments that will help you live better lives.”
The Germans ask, “What are Commandments?”
And the Lord says, “Rules for living.”
“Can you give us an example?”
God says, “Thou shalt not kill.”
“Not kill? We’re not interested.”

So God went to the Italians and said, “I have Commandments…”
The Italians wanted an example and the Lord said, “Thou shalt not steal.”
“Not steal? We’re not interested.”

Next the Lord went to the French saying, “I have Commandments…”
The French wanted an example and the Lord said, “Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s wife.”
And the French were not interested.

God then went to the Jews and said, “I have Commandments…”
“Commandments,” said the Jews, “How much are they?”
“They’re free.”
“We’ll take 10.”

November 2nd, 2008

Jokes : A mass for the poor creature

Dead dog

Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for company. One day the dog died, and Muldoon went to the parish priest and asked, “Father, me dog is dead. Could ya’ be saying’ a mass for the poor creature?”

Father Patrick replied, “I’m afraid not; we cannot have services for an animal in the church. But there are some Baptists down the lane, and there’s no tellin’ what they believe. Maybe they’ll do something for the creature.”

Muldoon said, “I’ll go right away Father. Do ya’ think $5,000 is enough to donate to them for the service?”

Father Patrick exclaimed, “Sweet Mary, Mother of Jesus! Why did ya’ not tell me the dog was Catholic?

November 2nd, 2008

Jokes : Don’t you realize that this is a Catholic country?

star-of-david cross holy

Two beggars are sitting on a park bench in Ireland. One is holding a cross and the other a Star of David. Both are holding hats to collect contributions. People walk by, lift their noses at the man with the Star of David and drop money into the hat of the man with the cross. Soon, the hat of the man with the cross is filled and the hat of the man with the Star of David is empty.

A priest watches for a while and then approaches the men. He says to the man with the Star of David, “Don’t you realize that this is a Catholic country? You’ll never get any contributions holding a Star of David.”

The man turns to the one with the cross and says, “Moishe, can you imagine, this goy is trying to tell us how to run our business?”

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