Why Do I Want To Be A Missionary
What a hard question! I can’t find out the exact reason why I said “YES!” without a second thought.
When I was not yet in CFC Singles for Family and Life (SFL) Philippines, it had never been in my mind that I will be longing to serve God and I doubted if He is true or just an imaginary friend of everybody. All I know was to ponder about the meaning of life, what it is, and the purpose of being a fleshy creature here on earth. I asked stupid questions like “Why do we have two eyes instead of one, three or four?”; “Why do I need to inhale fresh air, and then just exhale it after?”; “Why do we eat and drink water in order to grow and be adult if soon we’ll be coming back into dust or soil again”?
I kept on wondering why I existed here to seek happiness. After seeking for happiness, then what’s next? Soon I’ll die. What’s the meaning of my eagerness to love and be loved? What’s the worth in giving? Is it receiving back? When I gave and received, what is the next drama? When I’m done searching and giving my best, I will be tired, then just rest.
Before, when I learned how torturous this life is, I became miserable. I envied other people. Why do they have those things I don’t have? Why are they so intelligent, while I am not? Why are they so beautiful while I am just cute? Laughs! Why those who love me are only few while those popular are loved by thousands? What a jealous person I was. Because of jealousy, I started to lose my spirit and brio. I became so emotional with poor spirit. I felt unloved. My life was just like playing soccer without a goal or a basketball without a basket. I woke up in the morning, lived life as a matter of survival, and then slept again like the sun-set in the west side.
My life seemed to be like a computer game, playing from the start; fighting for my life throughout the game, a matter of surviving in each stage and level. When I already finished the game, I was not even sure if I really enjoyed it. I would go and get some new games to play again. Yes it was. My life was just a computer game before, surviving each day in uncertainty for no important reason at all.
When I reached the age of 23, I got the most indescribable feeling. It was so hot inside my chest but didn’t hurt. It was the first time I lift up my hands to worship God in the World Singles Congress 2010 while singing songs of praises for Him. I almost cry every time I reminisce that feeling. That was the time I decided to open my heart for God to fill its emptiness. I felt that someone was embracing me that time with a hundred percent love. I wished that moment would not end. That was the start of my meaningful life with Him. Everyday I’m talking to Him, telling Him everything about me although I know that He already knows what I am going to say. I am so thankful. Through ups and downs, I keep on seeking for more and more of God. He became the center of my life. And I can’t afford to be away from Him again.
God is so generous that He gave me the great opportunity to serve Him when I was asked to be a mission volunteer. It was my chance to be closer to Him. I know that being a missionary is a serious matter. It’s not like going to beach, having fun, nor taking pictures with friends in the seashore. I know it’s going to be tough often. It is about offering oneself, persecution, rejection, pain, and hurts.
But that’s it; even if it seems I am going to be like a pain-staking one through missions, I will be a person full of brio while serving. Otherwise, I know that in times when I’m doing my best for God through missions, it’s going to be fun, blessed, and exciting. I’m sure that God will not leave me alone in the battle. Before my shield and sword be destroyed, I know that He is going to buy me a new one so that I can defend myself. And I will never be alone here; I have my co-soldiers who will care for me, my brothers and sisters in FFL.
I am truly inspired by those missionaries. They give oneself for love of others and of God. They touch people’s heart and become ways for others to see God and see the beauty of life. Missionaries are not selfish. Missionaries won’t let the happiness they have be just for them alone; instead they share it by all means, by giving their time and resources, and give their life to spread God’s love to all. In that way, I see God through them. Being a missionary means giving love. My happiness is knowing that I am loved and that I can afford to love. My jar of love will never be empty because God is there to refill it always. Receiving love and giving love is the reason of living, isn’t it? And being a missionary is a great way of showing my love for God and for His people.
Faith without action is dead.
Why do I want to be a missionary? - I now know the answer.
I want to be a missionary because I love God. I don’t have the reason to say no. The word YES to God will be my greatest happiness. I want to spend my whole life with Him. And when my time here on earth is up, I’m sure; Father God will welcome me with smile on His face. I will say, “Daddy, I’m home. The game of life was so difficult but I enjoyed it a lot! You are the best coach! So I did my best and gave my all in following your instructions.” and He will say, “Yes I know. I saw it all and I’m very proud of you Sandy. So what’s the prize you want?” and I’ll answer, “Knowing that you are proud of me and seeing you smile is my prize.”
- – - written by Sandy Villeta
Tags: missionary, Thoughts